It’s hard enough being a feminist in an environment where people think it’s okay to mock and put down feminist views, but try being all for women’s empowerment in a community that is so counter-progressive that arguing for women’s rights, let alone identifying as a feminist, is virtually unheard of. A community where people still believe that feminism is this radical, scary (and hysterical) movement that is just a passing trend.
I’m talking about the Armenian community, of course.
If you ask any Armenian male if he supports feminism, or ask if he is a feminist, he will laugh nervously and tell you that yes, he believes that women should be treated as equals to men and that he does not discriminate against women in any way. And yet, he still holds on to his patriarchal views dearly. He fully expects his future spouse to embrace stereotypical domestic activities; she will, of course, take his surname without a second thought, and she will also be a virgin.
See, the thing that bugs me the most about Armenian males is how they go on and on about their “wild” sex lives, but still expect their future spouses to be innocent little flowers. If a girl has had multiple sex partners, it diminishes her “girlfriend potential.” Maybe they don’t REALLY expect the woman they marry to be a virgin, but she should at least be able to count the notches on her bedpost with her fingers (on one hand).
It is simply unacceptable for an Armenian girl to indulge in an active sex life. If she does, and if people know about it (God help you), she will be labelled as a slut and her precious image and reputation will be tainted. Personally, I don’t give a fuck about what these people think about me. The same cannot be said, however, for others. The only time I have ever been bothered by someone calling me a slut was when, one time, I made the mistake of enthusiastically discussing sex with a small group of Armenians, most of them male. I was talking about the potential joys of a “friends with benefits” situation, amongst other things, when one of the boys said “Wow, you’re a slut!”, which elicited laughter from the other people in the group. I became silent-it was like a slap in the face. I could feel the shameful blush creeping onto my cheeks and I did not participate in the conversation for a few minutes after that.
Why did it bother me? Because I knew then that my image with these people was now tainted. Maybe in some corner of my mind I was trying to impress these boys with my sexual prowess, and I realised that they do not find a sexually empowered girl to be attractive. The kind of girl they find attractive is the one who is sitting quietly throughout this conversation, the demure daddy’s girl whose greatest sexual achievement is “totally making out with that hot guy at the club last night!” Can you tell I’m bitter?
Armenians and feminism do not mix. It is like oil and water; you cannot be a free-thinking “radical” in a society that values and thrives on ancient traditions.
I agree with with you on your feminist views but i don't like how youre singling out the armenians or the armenian guys from the rest as the radical ones who discriminate women like you hold a grudge against us!
ReplyDeletei don't know if youve had a bad experience or lived between close-minded people, but i personally think armenians have a fair treatment towards women compared to a lot of eastern cultures and about the same as the most of europeans. only in advanced europe, countries like France, England and probably Scandinavia countires are probably better. in other third world countries, i probably don't need to tell you, women very few rights so you're rage against the Armenians isn't acceptable.
you haven't seen how unfair life was back home in those muslim countries, where women get treated worse than dogs get treated here; yet we did our best to preserve our language, identity and culture by considering ourselves a more intelligent culture who respects western values. so being born here shouldn't change a whole a lot since back home wasn't a mother land either and it's the only 2nd generation in their youths. but the truth of the matter and sadly it is changing and that's the canadian multiculturism affecting everyone or maybe we are willing to surrender to it!
in terms of your feminist and cultural views, we do not live in a perfect country but a pretty good one and may be things just need some time go change.
it's easy to get lost in this canadian sea, so please be proud of you're identity. just accept some of the terms and enjoy how we're different.
Saying that there are other people who are worse than or as bad as Armenians doesn't change the fact we're discriminatory. Saying that other men are also dicks doesn't change the fact that you're a dick. Remember the old saying, it takes one to know one.
DeleteCalling someone a slut, especially if you mean it, is disgusting, considering if a male were to talk about his "conquests," he would get high fives. In a weird way, these "sluts" that people identify, are the same people needed for guy to be called a "stud." What I'm trying to show is that sex involves two people, not one. So why is one partner, the female, denigrated and called a slut, while the other partner, the male, revered and called a stud? If you can answer that question without discriminating against or disparaging the female, then feminism loses some of its credibility.
Hint: There is no way you can answer that question without discriminating against or disparaging the female.
Clearly you don't agree with my feminist views if you think I should "just accept some of the terms", because feminism itself is based on NOT accepting these terms. And as I said in my first post, I am singling out the Armenians because that is what my blog is about! That's what I know about. I don't like talking about things I don't know about. I have grown up surrounded in Armenian culture--it's pretty much all I've ever known. And I actually DO know a thing or two (more like a whole damn lot) about what life is like for women "back home" because a)I am Iranian-Armenian and b) I have a lot of personal experience with the expectations of Armenian women in the domestic sense. Without getting into the gory details, I'll just say that I dated an Armenian for 2 years and in that time I gained a LOT of insight into what life is like for an Armenian wife.
ReplyDeleteIf you think Armenian men treat women well then you're either extremely naive OR lucky enough to be around men who uphold feminist values. I have yet to meet those men (hint: they don't exist).
And since when do Armenians respect Western values?? Armenians here pretty much base their entire lives on OPPOSING Western values! If they respected Western values they wouldn't expect all women to act like demure little virgins and they wouldn't tell me to "shut up and make a sandwich" every time I expressed an opinion different from theirs!
As someone who is ridiculed and shut down on almost a DAILY BASIS by my Armenian peers for being a feminist, I'd say my anger is QUITE warranted. So don't you dare say my rage "isn't acceptable."
And for the record, I AM proud of my identity. When did I ever say I'm not? But being proud of my culture does not mean I should turn a blind eye to its problems. What good would that do? I have dedicated my entire LIFE to the Armenian cause and to Armenian interests; to say I am not proud of my identity is simply absurd.