It’s hard enough being a feminist in an environment where people think it’s okay to mock and put down feminist views, but try being all for women’s empowerment in a community that is so counter-progressive that arguing for women’s rights, let alone identifying as a feminist, is virtually unheard of. A community where people still believe that feminism is this radical, scary (and hysterical) movement that is just a passing trend.
I’m talking about the Armenian community, of course.
If you ask any Armenian male if he supports feminism, or ask if he is a feminist, he will laugh nervously and tell you that yes, he believes that women should be treated as equals to men and that he does not discriminate against women in any way. And yet, he still holds on to his patriarchal views dearly. He fully expects his future spouse to embrace stereotypical domestic activities; she will, of course, take his surname without a second thought, and she will also be a virgin.
See, the thing that bugs me the most about Armenian males is how they go on and on about their “wild” sex lives, but still expect their future spouses to be innocent little flowers. If a girl has had multiple sex partners, it diminishes her “girlfriend potential.” Maybe they don’t REALLY expect the woman they marry to be a virgin, but she should at least be able to count the notches on her bedpost with her fingers (on one hand).
It is simply unacceptable for an Armenian girl to indulge in an active sex life. If she does, and if people know about it (God help you), she will be labelled as a slut and her precious image and reputation will be tainted. Personally, I don’t give a fuck about what these people think about me. The same cannot be said, however, for others. The only time I have ever been bothered by someone calling me a slut was when, one time, I made the mistake of enthusiastically discussing sex with a small group of Armenians, most of them male. I was talking about the potential joys of a “friends with benefits” situation, amongst other things, when one of the boys said “Wow, you’re a slut!”, which elicited laughter from the other people in the group. I became silent-it was like a slap in the face. I could feel the shameful blush creeping onto my cheeks and I did not participate in the conversation for a few minutes after that.
Why did it bother me? Because I knew then that my image with these people was now tainted. Maybe in some corner of my mind I was trying to impress these boys with my sexual prowess, and I realised that they do not find a sexually empowered girl to be attractive. The kind of girl they find attractive is the one who is sitting quietly throughout this conversation, the demure daddy’s girl whose greatest sexual achievement is “totally making out with that hot guy at the club last night!” Can you tell I’m bitter?
Armenians and feminism do not mix. It is like oil and water; you cannot be a free-thinking “radical” in a society that values and thrives on ancient traditions.
